I sat on this question for a while. When I started the blog, the name made perfect sense to me. The push-up is emblematic of my efforts to get fit as I found myself doing a few more push-ups daily. Currently, I can do roughly 100-125 push-ups a day. In small reps, of course! They end up totaling around 100-125. However, the concept of the pandemic push-up has more significance to me than the variations of push-ups that I now can do as a regular hobby.
The concept also symbolizes the lifting of myself out of a sense of helplessness. When I think back to those few weeks after the pandemic lockdown began in March 2020, I remember feeling submerged in a quiet despair with no one capable of pulling me out. It felt like I was in a deep, dark cavernous space with little direction on how I might find freedom. The only light was above me – miles above. It felt insurmountable, unreachable, but deep within I felt a resolve, a will to try. To spend what little energy I had left trying to reach the light. At this point, I felt like I had little control over my professional and personal circumstances. My gig as a university lecturer was soon up, but I now had to finish the remaining weeks of the semester teaching online after an abrupt closure of the campus. I also had to manage my eldest child’s transition to online learning while managing a soon-to-be 2-year-old without a sitter. Not to mention that I also had to find time to continue cultivating my relationship with my partner and mother of my children, check on my elderly parents, etc.
I just hit a point of exhaustion and looked around for something that I might accomplish. At that point, it dawned on me that I might try being good to myself by taking better care of my health. At such a low point, I was compelled to try something that I would otherwise never try – eating healthier. I absolutely love food – historically the wrong kinds of yummy food – and I have done so unapologetically. But now at this point, I figured “Why not give it try?” I had already been on a “diet” since January 2020, but was very close to reverting back to one of my comfort food options (as I had many) when I assessed my overall life situation and thought “What the hell? Give it try.”
This decision, combined with light exercise, would change my relationship with food and my belief about what is possible when it comes to health and fitness. It helped me to lift myself out of the dumps and helped me to remember that I was capable of so much more. That there was so much inspiration, determination, and untapped ideas lying within me. I just needed to push myself a little each day, push myself a little further than before. Step by step. For me, the pandemic push-up is a journey of taking one step further each day. It’s about edging closer to the summit of that cavernous valley despite the moments of exasperation, the fear of failure, and occasional setbacks. It’s about continuing to press for that light with everything that I have left to give each day. There is no quit until there is quiet.