It’s been a while since I’ve penned commentary for this blog as I last shared my boredom/borderline-disillusionment with this journey. I surpassed my goals for weight loss and the world appeared different. And yet, I found myself searching for reasons to continue, to find new purpose. The past few months have taught me that it’s about finding the right mindset.
There are varied ideas led by psychiatrists and other wellness experts about mindsets or one’s perspective based on beliefs and lived experiences. Dr. Carol Dweck’s research on mindset and motivation is popular with references to her concepts fixed mindset and growth mindset. I understand the fixed mindset to reflect a rigid outlook, which inclines resistance to change, fear of mistakes, etc. Conversely, the growth mindset can espouse optimism for new things and less fear of failure or the unknown.
I’d like to think that these mindsets can be interchangeable because we humans aren’t perfectly molded. We’re a complicated species with inconsistencies in the way we think, behave, etc. For instance, I eventually tapped into a growth mindset when I decided to start this health and wellness journey. Conversely, I’ve had several moments of reluctance and doubt about this journey and other aspects of my life which affected my choices.
The past few months have tested my resolve to continue with this journey as I’ve experienced a myriad of emotional and psychological challenges that impeded my progress. At some point after my last post, I entered what I’d call a fog of content where I relaxed my health and wellness routine. The constant questioning about the point to continue eventually won out and I just enjoyed my life.
As you might imagine, it came at a cost, as I went back over 200 pounds for the first time. However, I didn’t let myself go completely as I managed to stay within 200-207 range. Still, it was a hit to my psyche as I grappled with the failure of regaining the weight. What’s odd is that I actually gained some muscle initially, but that increase on the scale messed with my head. Plus, I allowed other stressed to give me permission to just enjoy life without mindfulness.
When I think of these past few months, I can see aspects of a growth mindset in my constant belief that not only I can return to form, but I’ve reasoned that it’s okay to enjoy life. It’s possible to find a messy balance so long as I’m realistic. For instance, if I want Instagram-like abs, then I understand what needs to be done. If I want a reasonable amount of muscle while finding spaced to enjoy life, then the outcomes will be different. And that’s perfectly fine.
Additionally, I’m learning to cope with other stresses in my life by deliberately thinking (sometimes out loud) about the positives. I’ve developed a reservoir of positive experiences, achievements that I can draw from as needed to encourage or reason with myself. I think the right mindset is one which provides a balanced perspective that can be embraced as realistic. However, it’s not maladaptive as my thinking can change with life, but I’m learning to appreciate the beautiful mess that is life sometimes.