As middle-aged man, I can attest to a journey filled with opportunities. For better or worse, that journey includes a myriad of near-misses and outright flops. I think my health and wellness journey is sometimes a microcosm of my “blessed journey,” as I feel oh so close yet adrift from where I want to be.
Just when you think all is settled, here come new life obstacles and challenges to stir the pot. In some ways this is good. I probably don’t want to be complacent with physical health milestones I’ve learned how easy it is to fall out. For instance, I celebrate my dramatic weight from 244 pounds in 2020 to as low as 190 in 2022. However, today I remain stuck between 209-212 pounds.
Now, to my friends and family (and my doctor) this is a good weight for me. However, I realize that this a slight regression from where I should be, which is under 200 pounds. It’s as if I got to briefly experience life on the other side of the mountain, only to have a storm blow me backwards to a point that where I can see the mountain’s peak but face difficult odds to reach it again.
Life is tenuous, stressful, but still good relative to most of humanity. That realization comes with some level of complacency. I still do enough maintenance to stay in the 209-212-pound range, but I have not consistently taken myself to another level that feels within my grasp. In my mind, I know that I can reach that sub-200 pound milestone again.
Counting the Cost
In fact, I see myself back at that weight range with more muscle. One of my fears is the cost for reaching this goal. What will it cost me in time? Relationships? Peace of mind? And, it is worth it at this point? These are some of the questions I wrestle with as a middle-aged man with a wife and two kids. I almost feel like a buffoon when I carry on to them about my “gains.” And yet, they support me going to the gym, working out in the basement and taking daily walks.
The social pressure from eating is a mixed experience. There are times when I feel that it’s just human to indulge in food with family even if it kills my gains. Now, I try to be reasonable with this approach. For example, my wife made some homemade donuts from a handful of basic ingredients (flour, eggs, yeast, water and baking powder). I gladly sampled 3-4 of these fluffy treats with no regrets. Now, when my kids want pizza, I’ll probably refrain from eating it or maybe have one slice.
Oh So Close to Self Actualization
Still, these choices do add up over time in ways that feel cruel, but sometimes biology can seem unfair. I think coming to terms with that reality is an important part of my health and wellness journey. Muscle building and weight reduction can be wonderful outcomes of disciplined effort, and my progression to the next level feels oh so close. However, I’m learning that it’s really a less significant aspect of this journey.
I think a sense of self actualization is a chief aspect of this experience. In some ways, I do feel oh so close to experiencing a level of inner peace with who I am at this point in life. That includes accepting both my physical limitations and potential. It also involves embracing failures as a bridge to a life of meaning and purpose.